Often we get caught up in a whirlwind of other people’s expectations and priorities. If you are like I was, you find yourself never wanting to disappoint anyone. You will go the extra mile even if it kills you. You will take on heavy loads just to make sure that others are okay. Meanwhile, you are falling apart at the seams. You feel as though you don’t know whether you are coming or going. Always busy, never enough time for yourself. Never wanting to let anyone down, being afraid of what they may say or how they may view you. And then, just when it seems as if you cannot take an ounce of anything else, the praise almost makes it seem as if it was worth it. When people shout your praises, “oh we can always count on you,” “you never let us down,” “if anyone can do it you can.” And then we hop right back on the hamster wheel of expectation, careful not to let anyone down. Meanwhile we are suffering from silent battles of fatigue, exhaustion, wrong thinking and what I like to call “people pleasing syndrome” or PPS.
I suffered from PPS for a long time. It was almost second nature to say yes to almost anything. Even if I knew it would literally kill me. But it wouldn’t be said that I didn’t come through, that I wasn’t loyal, that you couldn’t count on me. My friends, let me tell you, that is the quickest way to burn out and build up an attitude of resentment. Now hear me out, there is nothing wrong with being there for others, being reliable and trustworthy. That is far from what I am saying. But if we are not careful, we fall into the area of people pleasing.
It is okay to say “no.” Let me say that again for the people in the back, it is okay to say a blessed “I’m sorry, I will not be able to handle that.” Give yourself a break! God never meant for us to run ourselves ragged. Sometimes people will continuously push, push, push, as long as you say yes, yes yes. Don’t, get me wrong, we should be helpers, however, how can you give if your tank is empty? Think about it, why do you think the instructions on the airplane is to first give yourself oxygen and then help others? It’s because you first have to have oxygen to be able to help anyone else. It is the same in life. It is okay to rest! Even God rested when the work was done. Everyone needs to refuel, replenish and make sure that their mind, body and soul are ready for the next adventure.
People pleasing also comes with the wrong motives. We are doing things for acceptance and validation from man. Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Galatians 1:10 says “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Some people believe that God is going to be mad or look down on them if the say “no,” this is simply not the case. The bible tells us that “Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety,” Proverbs 29:25.
God wants us whole. He want’s us to serve him with the right attitude. God loves us and has already accepted us through his grace. There is no amount of work, helping, serving that will cause him to love us. He already does. Shame and fear tells us that we have to work hard for his approval and the approval of man. Don’t fall into this misconception. We should have joy and peace. That’s what flows when we operate out of Love and not expectation or people pleasing. There is a quote, that I really love and stand on until this very day “Let pleasing God become bigger than pleasing people.”
Additional Quotes:
- “If you live for people’s acceptance you will die from their rejection.” – Lecrae
- “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
- “The only thing wrong with trying to please everyone is that there’s always at least one person who will remain unhappy. You.” – unknown
- “People pleasing hides the real you.” – unknown
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